My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
