You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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