this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I just sharted jello shots
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