I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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