i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He felt like a one man threesome
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
