everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It was confusing and full of hummus
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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