Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
