I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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