I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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