someone threw a dead crab at me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize