hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
