Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
