you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
