Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
