But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize