u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
