i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
