It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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