I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
