So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
