so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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