If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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