just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
