WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bang-toberfest begins!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
