It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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