Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
