i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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