I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize