Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize