Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
