she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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