the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
