just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
