Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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