i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
