He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
