I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
