I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
