Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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