So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
