I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you will always have a special place in my vag
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
