just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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