I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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