Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
