Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
