remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
