i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
