so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
