some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
