Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize