last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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