You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
