I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
