Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
