Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
