I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
