it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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