I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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