Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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