So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
