hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
