i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
