Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
