I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
