4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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