$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
