i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
