I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
