I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
