How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
