Do you still have your period?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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