Girls should come with a carfax report
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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