she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
