this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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