Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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