you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
