11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We smell like vodka and hangover
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