In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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