My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
