I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
