she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
