OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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