i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
