that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
farters have to be the big spoon...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
