Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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