Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
