Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
not ubering you a puppy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
