I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
