They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
