i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
