man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
