she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
