I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
