p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
