Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
