The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
