Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
