On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize