YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
