Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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