I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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