yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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