I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
