where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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