I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
