it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
