all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize