I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After tacos, we're chasing women.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
