You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
